Monday, February 20, 2012

An Open Letter to Whatever

I made a fantastic chicken soup this weekend.  It was necessary, as the gentleman and I were under the weather.  (insert expletives about the stomach flu here).

Since we were both feeling cruddy (I luckily got the long end of the stick, and ended up with just aches and fevers, and let's just say I didn't get the flu as bad as my gentleman), we spent a bunch of time just being lazy asses.  I avoided watching cooking shows while S was watching, as the worst thing ever during the flu is not being able to eat what you want (I always want pizza), but when S went upstairs, I was drawn to the trainwreck known as the Pioneer Woman.  Here are my thoughts on that cluster of a cooking show:

  • Smore.  one word.  not Sah-more. I'd be fine with S'more, but there's no freaking "ah" in the word.  
  • Ree Drummond has a rabid following of "home cooks."  Her blog is full of picture of how to dice a freaking onion.  Perhaps it would be a good idea to explain liquid v. dry measuring cups, and why she was able to use dry measuring cups for liquids and not screw up her recipe (hint: if you fill a dry measuring cup to the brim it has the same volume as a liquid measuring cup, except, NOT REALLY.) USE A LIQUID MEASURING CUP.  hey y'all, I hear the prairie has those new-fangled glass cups, I think they're called Pyrex?  
  • Hey, PW, how about you stop pretending to be a normal "ranch wife"? The sheer amount of Le Cruset, and designer drapery you wear every day doesn't mean you're "Just like everyone, y'all!"  
  • My Marta's family is in the farming industry.  The women don't prance about in designer clothes and shirk away from getting dirty. (for the most part).  
  • Learn how to make a fucking roux.  Sorry for the language, but if people consider her recipes as their bible, stop touting butter as the fix-all for every recipe. 
  • She's just like us, y'all, except for the 6K in LeCruset and $500 mixer, oh, and that whole "place where I make my food" makeover the gal needs to come back down to her reader's level.  I fully expect Martha Stewart and Ina Garten to have fancy stuff - it's who they are, and they don't pretend to be anything else.  Ree Drummond?  She's "one of us, y'all" except that she writes shitty recipes that anyone with an inkling of how to cook can realize that they're shit. Does that mean I'm snobby?  No.  It means that I get offended by someone who pretends to be a "simple ranch wife" making difficult recipes that DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 
  • Stop pretending that because you go to the Wal-Mart, you're on the level of the "normal folk" aka, the people who may have a Kitchen-Aid mixer, but surely don't have french enameled cast iron pots.  They have shit from the wal-mart, most likely paula deen brand.  
  • The accent.  You can tell she's wealthy Oklahoma because of the lack of it.  4 years at USC (eating sushi and dating gay guys, y'all) doesn't erase 18 years of an accent.  
Other things that rile me:
  • Jello cups with sticks in them. (I'm talking about YOU, ConAgra)
  • The stomach flu.
 Anything sticking in your craw as of late? 


  1. Have you ever read Our Best Bites? I like that one but then again I grew up with Kate. I have actually never looked at PW but I now know not to =).

    Anyway I am sorry you have been sick I hope you are all better now because I agree being sick and not being able to eat is really awful.

  2. I've read some of Our Best Bites - seems like a decent blog, but I haven't found anything there that I haven't seen before. I know I sound like a bit of a cooking snob in my rant about PW, but check her stuff out. Just realize she's peddling common recipes and jazzing them up with "I'm on a ranch!" and "here's 50 pictures of how to cut an onion!"

    I really am just a cooking snob now, I suppose.